Monday, March 9, 2009

Relationship Ponderings.... Marathon First Dates

I’ve been thinking a lot about marathon dates in the last couple of days. A friend of mine had a first date that lasted 3 days (Friday-Sunday) It was a long distance first date (ie the people lived in different cities), and the person coming from out of town was staying at my friend’s apartment and they were just going to spend the weekend together.

I personally was NOT a fan of this plan. Not to say that I haven’t had numerous marathon first dates, and I couldn't’t see the draw in it, but in my old (read: bitter and jaded) age I tend to lean towards the less is more style of first dates and suggested that maybe the date was scheduled on a weekend where the person was coming into town for something else (not JUST for the date) and they could meet up for a few hours on 1 or 2 days.

I feel like marathon first dates have the potential to go south, or even sabotage the entire potential relationship for a couple reasons:

1. One party may feel trapped and not comfortable enough to leave. I can think of one specific date that started out fairly early in the day with brunch, and then we were wandering around for a while and decided to catch a movie… good conversation, having a good time, etc… then the guy invited himself over to watch TV because a reality show that we both enjoyed was on…. I liked him and was having a good time, but honestly just wanted to go home and sit on my couch… but I didn’t really feel comfortable telling him he couldn't’t come watch it, when he knew that that’s what I was going to go home and do (I had mentioned it earlier in the date). I ended up getting really irritated with him, not only because I felt like he was crowding my space, but also just because he kept on making stupid comments during the reality show. LOL. Afterwards he wanted to sit and chat, and I finally just had to tell him that I wanted to go to bed and he needed to go. I don’t think he realized I was irritated (people who know me may question that :-p) but the experience left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, and definitely didn’t leave me hungering for more of him… Other than with my case, I feel like this may be more of a danger for girls than it is for guys because, in my experience, a guy doesn’t really like it when girls are all up under them too soon… and guys, (again in my experience) don’t like unpleasantness and try to avoid it at all costs… So they may go along with the long *ss date, and seem totally into it, but in the back of their mind they’re thinking, “This is a needy *ss chick…” and may be put off and never call again.

2. Knowing too much too soon = loss of interest. This is another one that I suffer from… when I leave a date with you I want to be excited to see you again, and hungry for more information about you… I feel like a first date should kind of be like a teaser… you put on your best dress, make sure your conversation is on point, and give the person a glimpse into your life and make them want to get deeper with you…. A 9+ hour date provides WAYY to much time to get too deep too fast. It also provides a false sense of comfort/security. If you spend an entire day or more with a guy you may feel like, “I’m really comfortable with him. I feel really close to him,” and may be tempted to share things that you would usually hold off on sharing (family issues, thoughts about marriage, kids etc)… and then the dude (or girl) could be scared off.

3. Increased length of date = more time for the other person to annoy you, or vice versa. I feel like everyone has had this experience… you’re on a date… he’s looking good, you’re having a good time, joking, and then someone just says something real dumb that throws the whole vibe off. Sure… this can happen during a dinner date… But if this can happen during a 1 hour dinner, imagine the likelihood of someone saying something stupid during the course of a 3 day date. Granted, people are always going to say stupid stuff… but having 3 short dates where you come away feeling like this person is the most awesome guy/girl in the world will give a better buffer when he/she says something idiotic on the 4th date…. Versus you spend 8 hours with someone and they say 2-3 stupid things… you come away thinking “seems like a cool guy/girl, but they sure do have strange ideas on xyz”.

4. Increased likelihood of regrettable slutatiousness- Longer time together = greater opportunity you’ll end up at someone apartment/house = increased probability that you’ll get it poppin = increased possibility of post-sex weirdness = less likelihood that this relationship is gonna work out. If you add alcohol into the mix, the greater opportunity of ending up at someone place turns into an almost certainty and the likelihood that the other person is going to go away from the date thinking “This person is definitely marriage material” decreases to next to nothing. I think this is common sense, but I’m sure some people disagree and think great, long lasting relationships can be born out of first date sex…

Just my thoughts… Thoughts?

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